[deep]

Happy 100th Blog Post to Me!

I don't know why I am up this late. David and I deemed it too hot to sleep in the bedroom so we migrated out into the living room around 11:30pm. Now, here I am at 3AM, wide awake. I am watching my 6th episode of Family Guy and haven't had the slightest inclination of sleep.

David is sleeping on the floor so peacefully. Sometimes I wonder if this dysthymia is creeping up on me again. I remember feeling this way when I was severely depressed. I couldn't sleep and when I did sleep, it was for a short period of time. By the time I wake about 4 hours later, I feel refreshed and the process starts all over again. Why does this always happen to me?

It's sad how excited David and I get over cleaning the apartment. When in my life did I ever think that scrubbing a drip pan from the stove with an SOS pad would bring such enjoyment? I really have gotten old. Even David gets excited everytime we have a load of laundry to put in our washer/dryer. He loves that thing I think more than he loves me. teehee.

I am going home next weekend over the 4th of July. Mom told me Dad took vacation time so I figured this would be the best way I can show my appreciation since I missed Father's Day on the float trip. I just want him to know how much I love and appreciate him. (I love and appreciate my Mom just as much!) They both work so hard to give me the life that I am leading and I just want to make them proud. I am living pretty comfortably here in Warrensburg while they are killing themselves out in the work force... I am so very thankful to have the family I have. Ashley, don't think I have forgotten you :) tehe! Lately I have been missing you badly. I can't wait for you to be here in the States again so we can talk about everyone and laugh and have slumber parties with the chastity blanket! Oh man... it makes me laugh just thinking about it now.

Well, I suppose I am going to try and sleep now. My life is so boring now that I am sure that all of you are asleep and no one will ever see this entry. That's okay. Goodnight world.


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I wrote this when I was 15 years old. Where has all of my creativity gone? I miss being so caught up into myself that I was so dark and interesting.

"It's hard to be deep and introspective without people laughing in your face because they themselves are too nervous to get lost in thought."

It makes me shiver. I found an old blog of mine and literally sat in awe at all of the deep thoughts that I had written down. It's like a time capsule of artistic words. The thoughts of a young teenager is a scary world to explore. Sometimes I wish I could experience that side of me again.